We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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