marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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