Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
