Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
