If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
