I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
