I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize