I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize