Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
