It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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