MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
