You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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