I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
