Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
