You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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