didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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