Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
