I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
