He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
