if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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