So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
