dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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