I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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