i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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