who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
