apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
