they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize