After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
