I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
