Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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