how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
