She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
how does that bad decision feel?
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