I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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