Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize