So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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