found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So squirting runs in the family.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
