Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
