I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
