the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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