Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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