So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
