man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
