He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
