Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
