u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
