btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
