she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
