You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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