This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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