youre lurking in front of me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
