Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
