Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize