Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
