my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
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