i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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