you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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