Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
