You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
