well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
