Don't you send me to vm
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
