Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
